UPDATE: We do #GoodforGwendolyn every year now. And it is beautiful. Click here to see what others have done. Click here to download acts of kindness printables.
There are two dates that will always matter to our family (and really any family of child loss): the day our beautiful Gwendolyn was born, October 4th, and the day she left this world, July 25th.
Her birthday will always be a celebration. We will decorate her gravesite, share cake with her sister, do something to help teach Eleanora about her amazing sister, and honor Gwendolyn by giving to others. This year so many of you helped us begin this tradition by participating in “Books for Gwendolyn.” I can’t tell you how much it meant to open your packages, read your thoughtful letters, hold something tangible as I felt so broken on the days leading up to my firstborn’s birth. Thanks to you, we received beautiful books about friendship and kindness, difference and courage, grief and loss, and even a few with Gwendolyn’s name. These books have helped me navigate how to keep Gwendolyn present in Eleanora’s life organically, to talk about her or the lessons she taught, to broach the subjects of death and grief with a young child, and to reflect on Gwendolyn myself as I snuggle my little one closely. And your letters continue to bring comfort; I have spent many a naptime rereading your words about the many ways Gwendolyn impacted others. And I have saved all of them and know they will be a very powerful gift when our littlest is older. It felt healing to start this tradition and give very Gwendolyn books to her school library to help all the children there as they grieve the loss of their friend. And over these difficult months, it has been healing to continue to give to others facing SMA, to others grieving or in need of gentleness and kindness, to share something good in Gwendolyn’s memory.
July 25th feels a bit different. While the day of her death is not a celebration in our family, it is still sacred. And it will always be a day we will reflect, mourn, and do our best to honor our incredible child and her legacy.
This July 25th will be Gwendolyn’s first “angelversary” (as families of child loss often refer to the day). And it will be especially hard. To be honest, I have dreaded this day since Gwendolyn was diagnosed with SMA. I have dreaded that we have a date that marks her leaving my arms.
But, I am trying to think of it differently (though this takes work to embrace). Instead of the day we lost our precious child, I’m trying to shift my mind to frame it as the day our relationship changed — because Gwendolyn still lives on so deeply in our love and in the legacy she created and in the lessons she continues to impart.
Gwendolyn lived her life with such purpose. Her view of the world was light and joy and kindness. She created change because she was different. And because she was so very much like all children.
She brought out the best in people. In fact, throughout her life, we almost universally experienced kindness wherever we went. From our community, from strangers, from those miles away. Gwendolyn moved people to be the good in the world.
And that hasn’t stopped.
We are continually in awe of the people, many of whom we’ve never met, who give so generously, do things outside their comfort zone, go out of their way, designate a portion of their businesses or annual giving, allow their perspective and worldview to transform, offer care and love… Because they have been moved. By a little girl who never said a word.
And that has always provided us with the most healing — to see people channel their empathy into action.
To feel the positivity from others spread out beyond just our family to create a larger impact is where I see that Gwendolyn was more than just for me. She was always meant to be more than just our child. And, somehow, in all of the pain of grief, because of all of the good that surrounds her, I hear a whisper that her purpose was lived and lived well… and continues to unfold.
July 25th will be a hard day for us. But, we will honor Gwendolyn. We will live how she lived — with fullness and gratitude and kindness in our hearts.
And we ask of you to do the same. Honor Gwendolyn’s legacy on July 25th by being the good in the world. Donate in her memory. Perform an act of service for someone in need. Gather as a family to find a way to give back together. Brighten someone’s day. Remember Gwendolyn and why she moved you and pass that goodness onto someone else.
Please share your kind action with us with #GoodforGwendolyn and help her legacy continue to flow through the world.
We will weep and feel heavy with sadness on July 25th, but knowing Gwendolyn, even in no longer living in this world, continues to move people in positive ways will help our broken hearts.
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